oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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