I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
