Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
