We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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