escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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