Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
