Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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