return my video game
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked a lego.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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