i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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