She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
