my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
