Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize