I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
