You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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