"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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