im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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