so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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