What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
