I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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