So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize