Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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