i just google imaged poop.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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