Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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