I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
