apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
