my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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