For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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