went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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