All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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