I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
