My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize