I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
