I wish I could punch you in the face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
