please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
