It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we should paint friendship bongs
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