It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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