you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
