Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
