i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
