If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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