Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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