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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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