A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
