Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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