im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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