just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
