Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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