my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
