You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
