My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
