Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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