she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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