I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
