You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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