Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
