Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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