I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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