That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
