i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize