Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
