I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
