it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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