The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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