I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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