insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
