Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize