Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
