There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
