I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
