Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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