I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
