so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
