Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
