TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
