She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
